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3 years ago I was told by the doctors I wouldn’t live past the next six months. I didn’t care, I wanted to die. I was so tired, I was tired of the drugs and alcohol that had taken complete control over my life. I had let them control me for the past fifteen years and I didn’t see any hope in my future. I was living in hell on earth. I thought I was too far gone, had done too much to ever be “normal”. I cared more about numbing the pain than anything else. I couldn’t even look in the mirror without being disgusted.
I remember laying in bed, hadn’t showered in at least a week, hadn’t eaten anything more than some soup and a few crackers and thinking to myself just grab that gun, end it all right now, nobody will care, if anything it may be a relief to everyone.
That was the lowest point in my life. I owe all the glory to my Heavenly Father, for it was only Him that I was unable to lift my arms to reach for that gun between the mattresses. My arms were stuck, I didn’t understand then how that was possible but I just ended up passing out. Looking back I know exactly why I wasn’t able to.
Shortly after that my sons father passed away. It did something to me, I knew I had to do something. It was my responsibility to get it together for him. Kaleb, my son, looked at me and told me I needed help, along with many others. In the midst of everything he was going through he begged me to get help. He was 12 years old, and he didn’t deserve this. So I did, I went kicking and screaming the whole way, still not thinking it was gonna help because there was no hope for me.
I went to Abundant Hope and within a month I wanted more, but not drugs or alcohol. It was Jesus, I wanted more of Him, I was hooked. For the first time in my life I began to feel Him, and He quickly filled the void I had always tried to do on my own. I completed the program and the Lord blessed me with a job trying to help others at Abundant Hope. In 3 months I will be celebrating 3 years of being sober, but most importantly 3 years of walking with Jesus. There is hope even when we don’t see it, and it is found in Jesus. He is always with us, and I see that more and more each day.
-Maigen
